Everyone feels despondent at times and you are no exception. You are feeling so depressed because it seems that everything that could go wrong has gone wrong and you don’t quite know which way to turn. So like the proverbial ostrich you are trying to bury your head in the sand. But that won’t work – you have to face reality.

You are very self-sufficient and methodical. You presume to know where you are going but need to find a person who will recognise the way you are, not be too demanding and who is, as they say in Italy, ‘Simpatico’.

The situation at this time is one of considerable distress. You feel trapped and you are looking for some way out. You can find solace in the arms of someone who cares so long as there is no long-term emotional involvement.

For some time now your hopes and expectations have been denied and because of this you are becoming withdrawn and introverted. Continual disappointment has manifested itself in you becoming both suspicious and restrained you have become withdrawn from others and have receded more and more into yourself. You seem to have lost your innate enthusiasm and imaginative nature, for fear that you may be carried away by it only to find that you are wasting your time. You are loath to trust people, as in the past your trust has been misplaced. You seem to be keeping yourself cautiously aloof from others. At this moment in time your attitude is to trust nobody – until they can prove themselves to you.

 At this time you don’t particularly like yourself. Everything that you have tried to do seems to have gone wrong. This makes you feel that there is no point in trying to start again. Apart from being stressed and tense, you are angry with yourself and have unadmitted self-contempt. Your refusal to admit that you and you alone is the basic cause of your problems leads to you adopting a headstrong and defiant attitude. If you take stock of yourself, smile a little and let go, everything will turn out OK. Have you not heard of the cliche ’smile and the world smiles with you – cry and you cry alone!’?

Pics with cousin at Shangri-La

I like my dress. but i don’t like my fringe. bah.

Finally, the mad essay deadlines are over. for the time being. And it’s time for projects…I did grab 2 episodes of GG break yest though, thanks to elearning week. and of course, more online shopping. But for now, it’s back to work

Feeling kindda nervous about the meeting on fri…wonder how the team’s gonna be like. don’t know what to expect, but i guess it’s always best to go in without any expectations

So…will it be third time lucky this time round?

I’m going to get down to making some yummy potato salad as soon as my status on msn switches to ‘available’.

Ok i stole this picture, but i’m sure mine’s gonna turn out as delicious looking, or even more, than this

I said i would never cut my hair short but look what i did.

Head feels much lighter, saving on shampoo, conditioner, serum and time to dry it. BUT having to deal with bad hair days sux. Pic on the day of exhorbitant haircut. (i did it at reds) I think he took off abt 10cm of my length, but i like the cut. One of the rare times i don’t regret stepping into a salon.

Before:

After:

Bad thing is, it doesn’t look like that anymore. Remind me to go for some rebonding soon.

And the girls in my office are on a constant diet although they’re aldry stick thin. Good news, they can serve as my motivation haha. I think you call this yielding to societal standards. So, if you can’t beat them, join them.

Looking at commencement photos on fb feels so surreal. Can’t imagine myself in the pictures next year. Doesn’t feel like i have 1 last year left in sch. Am i aldry going on to year 4 aldry? I wonder if i’ll have that many friends to take photos with at my commencement.

Ok anyway as you can see, my thoughts are all jumbled up at the moment…so i will blog more when i feel like it !

不知道从什么时候开始， 觉得自己在忙忙碌碌的生活节奏中，遗失了一样很重要，很重要的东西。 但也许，我从没拥有过。我想， 当我找到它以后，就不会感到那莫名的空虚。或许就不会迷失方向。那样看似遥不可及的东西，它叫做热忱。

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我笑得，有点累了。 但不笑，行吗？难道痛哭不成？心里总想或许笑着笑着，真的会变开心了，真的可以忘掉所有的不快乐。但最近，似乎有太多事情让我质疑自己的能力。在于学业，在于潜能，甚至待人处事。

笑声背后掩饰的可不就是那一篓筐的不安与不肯定。

So, i finally have my own proper cubicle.

So, i finally get to enjoy free flow of milo/cuppaccino/teh tarik/tea/mocha

So, for once i need to dress properly for work

And so i get to read different papers every morning (i don’t even do that at home)

And take long lunch breaks hanging ard central

But why do i miss the 5 interns crowding ard a single table blasting music early in the morning, what-do-we-have-for-lunch intern days back in year 1 ?

And they say
the best things in life are unseen
that’s why we close our eyes when we kiss, cry and dream…

I’ve been coming across brilliant articles on msn. and this abstract just makes so much sense. It’s on 7 friends every woman needs.

She answered all my big questions. “What does it feel like, looking back on your life?” I asked Florence one day. She peered into her diary. “I love that girl, Lily,” she said. “I love her when she was young and optimistic. It’s possible, if I had listened to her….” Her voice trailed off. Florence had told me she’d wanted to be an artist. Now she asked, “If I’d been true to myself, would I have ended up with this ordinary life?”

It was as if she was speaking about me. Back when I’d found the diary, I was lost. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. And I was so self-conscious. I couldn’t pass a mirror without looking, wondering if I’d ever find someone to love and understand me. Florence gave me perspective, something a friend my own age couldn’t. “Self-consciousness has been the biggest curse of my life,” she admitted. “It’s like carrying a heavy shell, all the time. Are you that way? Lily, my advice is get rid of it as fast as you can.”

– Lily Koppel, author of the memoir The Red Leather Diary

And now, back to my crazy week. Often wonder how i make it through this period every sem, but i do. So it’s possible.

Was wandering around west coast plaza with huimin last thursday becos we were both feeling sian. First time there since it’s open, looks a lot better than the old Ginza but a lot of stores were not open yet. We chanced upon waffles cottage and i would say it’s the nicest place in WCP…Lols.

The waffles are good but waffles with tuna is not the…most ideal combi haha.

Love the colourful post-its filled walls, love the comfty red comfa, love my top ! Lols. Good place for a get-away-from-school break

Anyway was just wondering today about…what i am good at. Not that good at writing, not that good at design, not that good at speaking, then what the hell am i good at?

Sigh, i think this is what you call a jack of all trades but master of none. How to find a job like that.

This week is totally TOTALLY dedicated to meeting deadlines and more deadlines. I have more reasons than ever to stay up till wee hours of the morning. But it’s the weekend now and time for me to take a breather.

Anyway was chilling out at coffeebean last night with dear lei and just chatting. I introed her to the colorgenics test and man, it NEVER fails to amaze me with the accuracy of the assessment after clicking on a few colour cubes. Go do it !

And week 12 is looming around the corner. Guess what it means ? (Hint: It starts with an E, ends with an M, causes ALOT of unnecessary emotional stress/turmoil and along with it, severe lack of sleep)

My stash of masks is so going to WASTE.

I seem to be able to find peace within myself.

(: